Wednesday, July 7, 2010


I am terrified of the dark.

When I was little, all I had to do was pull the blankets over my head, and suddenly I was invisible to any evil I feared was lurking in that thick unknown. I grew up with 5 siblings so sleeping alone never happened. Even after I married, if my husband ever went out of town, I would just go to my parents and never think twice about it. I'm not sure if I ever really thought I'd overcome this fear, but I never had to face it so I had in my mind, defeated it. But it caught my attention tonight. I was walking into the laundry room in pitch darkness so as not to wake anyone, and before I could say uncle, my imagination was going a million miles a minute about what or who was hiding in there in wait. I suppose I should clarify that its not just the darkness that brings fear, but the being alone when I can't see what's in front of me. Which can happen so often in life, in broad daylight.

Fear is a tricky thing. You let it linger long enough and it becomes so much a part of you that you don't even know how to think or feel without it. So what is your greatest enemy, can feel like your closest friend.

I wish there was a happy ending to this blog post. But for now, I am still in constant battle in the relationship with fear in my life. I will never know what's ahead of me. I only have today. And the rest will happen out of my hands. I pray the Lord breaks through the wall I've built up with the fear trapped at my side and severs me from it once and for all.

I pray He will become the blanket that covers me with that unquestionable security... of knowing no matter what darkness I walk through in life, I will never be walking it alone.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


We've all heard the sayings that home is where your heart is, home is where you hang your hat, etc. but I'd never really thought about what home means to me. I always felt that home would always be the home of my parents... even after I married. I always felt that somehow, deep inside, I would never really feel at home in the place I'd created. Like it needed a mother. My mother. But after 2 years of marriage and the birth of my own baby girl, I felt this need to make my own home. I tried on the surface to bring warmth into every room, to make it have the life I felt my childhood home had. And then I saw it. Getting out of the shower after an exhausting day, my eyes fell to something so simple and seemingly insignificant. But I felt it. I was home...

I would always be home wherever my clothes were mixed in with my husband's. Wherever my sweet babies feet were pattering and getting into trouble. Life's storms can feel so serious and threatening. But if I can wake up and still have my sweet love holding me, enveloping me in comfort, I will forever be safe, in my own home.

Friday, June 4, 2010

he said, come out on a limb with me, baby.
Leave your body and disappear with me through darkness.
I picked up my heart and took a chance at it.
we flew.