fear

I am terrified of the dark.

When I was little, all I had to do was pull the blankets over my head, and suddenly I was invisible to any evil I feared was lurking in that thick unknown. I grew up with 5 siblings so sleeping alone never happened. Even after I married, if my husband ever went out of town, I would just go to my parents and never think twice about it. I'm not sure if I ever really thought I'd overcome this fear, but I never had to face it so I had in my mind, defeated it. But it caught my attention tonight. I was walking into the laundry room in pitch darkness so as not to wake anyone, and before I could say uncle, my imagination was going a million miles a minute about what or who was hiding in there in wait. I suppose I should clarify that its not just the darkness that brings fear, but the being alone when I can't see what's in front of me. Which can happen so often in life, in broad daylight.

Fear is a tricky thing. You let it linger long enough and it becomes so much a part of you that you don't even know how to think or feel without it. So what is your greatest enemy, can feel like your closest friend.

I wish there was a happy ending to this blog post. But for now, I am still in constant battle in the relationship with fear in my life. I will never know what's ahead of me. I only have today. And the rest will happen out of my hands. I pray the Lord breaks through the wall I've built up with the fear trapped at my side and severs me from it once and for all.

I pray He will become the blanket that covers me with that unquestionable security... of knowing no matter what darkness I walk through in life, I will never be walking it alone.